Photos taken and words written April 2017. Desert Hearts, CA.
I’ve been standing on the outside
Every twisting arm structure
Even the cuddle piles,
I chose the couches
Underneath the stars
Away from the warmth
Of other humans
I mask my contempt
being my tent.
Frozen to my sleeping bag
Because freedom is not mine.
I withdraw from the
group because I’m scared
I came here with an
Open heart and
in just a couple of
crunch crunch
looped myself into
proving just how
delicate I really am
Blasted open I
felt gratitude for
my community
but even there, a
disconnection.
Why wasn’t this easier
this year?
I’ve got my systems
down – I
know how I react, how
to act, where to
get what I need
I want something done,
I take the lead.
So shouldn’t this be
getting easier?
Or do I just have
the mundane
on auto-pilot?
Therefore the magic
becomes a lesson and
now is something I
try to create and is
no longer something that
just happens?
Responsibility.
That’s what this is.
Any magic I thought
just happened is
actually the cause of
a lot of hard work
from other people.
It’s not luck – it’s
work – and the
willingness to see
the resources available
to be gifts to us.
Some gifts are only
leased – makes us
feel ripped or teased.
But nothing is ever really
ours to begin with.
It just is.