Shot for No Fear of Missing Out at Desert Hearts Three Year Anniversary

On the full moon
I lit your face on fire
And it is so
I let you go
And it is so
I let you go

But now I’m
right back where
I started
I think I would have
to burn the whole house down
to erase these tears
From the confusion of the hope
I thought I had for you

I should be doing other things than
typing this out
I have so many other things
I could be focusing on
So many other ways
I could be spending my time
I need to cut you out
But right now
I’m just cutting you into a snowflake
Something unique
Never to be created again
Now, I’m waiting for spring to arrive
So you can melt away and
Be erased from this wonderland

and I know it’s not good to hold on
and I know it’s not good to wish
for winter to last
I caught you on my tongue and
98.6 degrees was too hot for you
Heat can’t feel right to snow
But snow feels hotter than fire
when mixed together
and while I enjoyed creating
steam with you – we both know
this wouldn’t sustain itself

so now I’m accepting that
the seasons will change
Forest fire will happen again
I will once again be
in my element – and people
will use me on their toys
I will whip around carved bodies
like a thing that wants to be tamed
Because right now it’s dry ice
it hurts to burn and yet it’s a way
I feel alive.

People are always trying to tame me
Or reign me in. But all I wanted was
to feel appreciated by a thing that
can’t appreciate the thing that makes it
melt in my presence and can’t hold their
shape. Where I’m just flickering here
Hoping you can enjoy my warmth, my
glow, my illuminating strength.
I don’t want to be put out – but I
can see that I put you out – and for
that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that what
I am doesn’t work for what you are.
All I wanted was to make you happy
But I’m learning now that you can
Only enjoy what I am from a distance
Maybe then, maybe if I move back
What I am can make you happy.
And while I’m whipping away on others
hips and waists, I hope you’re impressed
with the magic I can create. I hope you
feel inspired to evaporate and come
back to me as more unique snowflakes
Because I don’t want to loose this
I know it’s scary, to become something
new. But I also understand that,
that may be asking too much of you.

So I’ll continue to ignite and dance,
I’ll continue to glow and burn bright
so you can see in the dark, even from
how far away I am, how amazing you are.
So that you can enjoy what I have to offer,
with out being consumed by it.

If you need some time, I’ll wait till next season.
I think that’s what I need maybe more than you.
We’re in winter now, and it’s your time
to dance, your time to light up the day with
a blanket of white – your time to fall
through the sky with other snowflakes
who are just like you – and it’s my time
to step aside, and learn how I fit in here.
I’ll keep contained and on fire balls
and in rusted barrels to help those who
need me. When summer arrives, you’ll be
in the sky – you’ll see me at my most
powerful. Then you’ll understand who I
I can’t shake this in me – nor should
I want to. I can’t burn as bright as I need
to if I choose to visit you in a freezer
so stay in the sky – and watch. I am only
destructive when used carelessly. Know
what I can offer though – in domes I’m warming
ravers, at homes I’m cooking your food, I am
the charge the gives life to electricity –
I can warm you, dazzle you – I can and I have
saved your life. But for you in particular –
only
from a safe distance.

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